I am almost 50 years old and I am exactly where I am supposed to be!

How did I come to this realization; you might ask.

I didn’t always think this, in fact, it’s quite a new feeling for me.

You see, at 39 I had a hard time understanding how I had fallen so far in life. I had failed to live up to my own perfectionistic expectations and had struggled to form connections with others. I had no career, few friends, overwhelming bills, a lonely marriage, and was struggling with depression.  I felt trapped by my decisions, my mistakes, and my lack of marketable skills.

 Hadn’t I had all the privileges?  Hadn’t I worked hard at everything I ever tried? Hadn’t I performed at the Fox Theater, even travelled to Japan to dance? Hadn’t I been at the top of my high school class, and blessed to attend the University of Michigan? Hadn’t I had plans to become an architect, to live out east, to see the world? Hadn’t I tried to be perfect?

The answer to all these questions was yes, so what had happened?

Life! Life had happened. Not the carefully curated life I had planned clipping pictures from Better Homes and Gardens, but the life that naturally evolves from everyday decisions. I became a mother for the first time at the age of 20 with my first precious creation and then got married and had two more beautiful children, and their dreams became mine. And so, my daughter took my spot at the ballet bar, PTC and Girl Scout meetings took the place of lectures and studio classes, the structures I designed were made of folding chairs and blankets instead of beams and glass, and the trips we did take were to dance competitions in beach towns around the US. Don’t get me wrong, I was extremely blessed to have so much time with them while they were children. They brought love and laughter into my life (and still do!) and I am beyond proud of them. It turns out though that supporting others’ dreams, even those of your children, is not the same as living your own. So, while I stood proud of my volunteer work and all the ways I used my creative skills to make our lives memorable, I longed to have a career that utilized my skills. I wanted something just for me, but it felt like there was no place for someone with ideas and talent, but no degree. I felt lost.

So, what changed?

 Just when I thought there was nothing left for me with the children going off to build their own lives, in walked a long-lost friend who just happened to also be my soul mate. With his love and support, I left my old life, found a different path, a way forward, an opportunity to live, love and be seen. Soon after, I began my growth journey. Through therapy, I learned to be introspective and vulnerable, I learned to give myself grace and to begin forgiving myself. I started hosting creative workshops and I realized how much I loved talking to people and learning their stories. I began getting back to my own creative practices. I even made it to Europe! A few times! I felt very content and blessed.

And then….

I was listening to a podcast and heard the term: Creativity Coach and felt immediately and overwhelmingly curious. I had so many questions: Is that a thing? How did I not know about this? Is this what I’ve been looking for? How can I become one? And then …Can I dedicate money to this? Can I face myself if I don’t do this? Is this what I’m meant to do with my one precious life? And so, with my husband’s monetary and emotional support, I was able to join the KMCC training, find my tribe and learn about the non-linear path of creativity.  After some initial fear, I realized that it felt natural to talk to others about the creative process and the challenges that may block your path, as I had myself faced many through the years. I enjoyed every part of the training and the Kaizen-Muse tools proved instrumental to my own life in and out of the studio. I felt both inspired and excited to share what I had learned with others.

These days…

I like to think that all the hours spent leading and volunteering, the knowledge ascertained, the lessons learned have been invaluable. I like to think (as my angel aunt reminded me), that I was raised for this opportunity, I like to think that it is my turn to shine, and to help others shine, the time for this phoenix to rise from the ashes of “what ifs” and “could have beens”. I like to think that my timing is perfect, and that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.